when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
