we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
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