There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
