girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
