You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
