well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize