no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
