i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
We just shotgunned beers for America
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
