Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize