mondays should just be called national damage control day
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
