Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
it's great music for shaving your balls
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
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