do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
