you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
