i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Randomize
