He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
