**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
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