I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
So vagazzling was a success
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
