You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
