Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
