i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
