Duck Duck Cougar?
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
