I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
