you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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