She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
