God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
