Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
