so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
