It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Randomize