You're a womanizer and a bitch.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Randomize
