I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
