Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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