david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Randomize
