i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
