When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Randomize
