Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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