just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
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