That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
