First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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