Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Randomize
