He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
