easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
