so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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