I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
