If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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