He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Michael Bay diarrhea
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
