dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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