someone threw a dead crab at me
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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