I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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