You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
