It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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