you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
