dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
FUCK WHALES
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
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