Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Randomize
