It's a beautiful day for a hangover
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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