Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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