My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
