apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
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