I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
