based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
