btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
