you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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