The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
