all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
